I don’t really like being criticized, I guess few people do. I mean a single criticism can ruin my whole day, even my whole week. However, unless you live under a rock, do nothing, say nothing and be nothing, it’s a bit hard to avoid it sometimes. I don’t really like that saying about developing a thicker skin much either. However, if we sit down and really look deep at the criticism aimed at us, there is some value in it – sometimes. So here is a few things I have learned from my critics.

Not all criticism is personal

While sometimes it is personal, it’s also true that sometimes people are just lashing out due to their own circumstances, more than a personal attack as such. We can’t always know their circumstances. So stop and listen and perhaps think about things from their side. If possible. Although it is often difficult to distinguish between the two.

Don’t respond too quickly

When we speak too quickly to a critic, it’s often an emotional response that we regret later. I’m learning to keep quiet although it’s not easy. Take an hour, or even a day or two to ruminate on the context, before responding. I find once I have thought on it, I am often better able to respond with thought and intelligence, rather than anger. Is their point valid? Or just purely unhelpful?

Some criticism can be helpful

Occasionally, remarks that sting, hurt for a reason. I am often hurt by criticism, I just can’t help it, it’s who I am. But if I stop and consider WHY that comment was hurtful, it can often actually be helpful. Perhaps I was silently concerned I did not do my best work. That criticism could cause me to re-look, evaluate and approach from a new and much better angle. Making that piece of art or image much better than the original. Maybe I was quietly suffering from imposter syndrome and the comment, while hurtful made me realise that the piece evoked response, and not all responses are good. Critics can help define who you are, make you a better creative (whether that is writing, or art or photography or any creative outlet). However, change can be painful.

It can stop me from criticizing others

I know only too well the pain of criticism, especially what I consider unhelpful (or dumb) comments. So I try, to remember that when I am tempted to criticise others. Do I truly believe my comments could be helpful? Has comment been requested? Some people ask for constructive criticism and find it helpful. Some people receive it even when NOT asked for, that’s when I keep my mouth shut.

Decide on whether to really listen or not

Some people are just plain negative. Often they will argue and put you down, no matter what you do. They do it to everyone, it seems. They are just plain mean. Ignore and move on. Some people just should not be listened to at all. Sometimes we’d rather only hear the praise, but beware that’s not always helpful either.

Sometimes the critic is right

As much as we might hate it, good constructive criticism can help us grow. As people, as artists and creatives. Criticism helps us find areas that need improvement, areas to grow and learn and expand not only our knowledge but our self.

So next time you are criticized or even about to criticize someone else, take a moment to stop and think. Is it worth it? Is it helpful or hurtful?

Six things I learned from my critics